Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Grama

My Grama (my Dad's Mom), is in the hospital. I went to visit her last night. They are doing a battery of tests on her, but they are thinking she has some kind of nerve damage in her back and/or spine, from what I gathered. I swear though, they are so evasive at hospitals. Anyway, they are most likely going to send her to a rehab facility like place, and if she does not get better there, she will have to go into an assisted living type place or nursing home. My Grama does NOT want this. But, even before this, she could barely get around. And oddly, she seems to be doing BETTER in the hospital than at home! She is more alert, way more talkative...My Aunt thinks it's because she gets attention nonstop, is conversing constantly with others, etc. Anyway. Hope they figure out something soon, because I hate seeing her in the hospital. I do not like hospitals.

I was driving home last night, and I kinda had this *epiphany* when driving home. Seeing my Grama in the hospital, and realizing that life is so short made me think that sometimes, we, as Americans, (and myself), just focus on the negative a little bit too much. There is nothing wrong with feeling down or sad sometimes, but we really need to focus more on the positive and think less about the rest. I was thinking this, because I was kinda bummed about this friend of mine (whom I have posted about before), that has just kinda unilaterally cut me out of her life, and me wondering how she could be so shallow and obnoxious, when she has always been a good friend. (I think a lot when I drive alone, bad thing, lol). I realized that it is stupid to even give her another thought. I have given her adequate chances to tell me if something is bothering her, have contacted her numerous times, and the like. If she does not respond, HER LOSS. I need to focus on and remember the awesome friends I do have, who are ALWAYS there for me, and do not go through mid-life crises and forget who their friends are. Which is exactly what I am going to do. I have so many friends who want to spend time with me and try to get me to fit them in between the insanity of work. Why would I even want to spend one second with someone like her? I don't know, it was odd. I guess seeing my Grama and realizing I might not be seeing her forever made me realize that sometimes my priorities are slightly misguided. Someetimes, I just want to *get* people or **get* people's actions, and sometimes, there is no explanation that makes sense or will make me happy. I sometimes expect more from people than I should, and I need to just stop doing that, and just BE.

Thanks, Grama, for making me see the light......

5 comments:

Rebecca said...

I know how you feel. It's hard for me to cut people out of my life, but I need to work on that. I'm just going to stop making so much of an effort. If people don't want to take time to see me, why do they deserve any of my time even thinking about them or wondering what happened? While I'm not nearly as busy as you, I don't need to spend my spare time with people who aren't deserving.

Damn the freeway construction for keeping us apart!!! :)

Mindy said...

Those wake up messages are nice. My wakeup came on the side of the interstate . . .

Life is short. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Invest your time, energy and emotions in those you love and who love you back. The other ones? Let them go.

Andrea said...

Great realization! Toxic friendships just aren't worth it.

I hope your grandma gets better!

MissThang said...

Thoughts & prayers are with your grandma right now.

When I broke off the engagement with Josh, I also broke off lots of other relationships. I realized that in that moment, when I was needing my friends the MOST, only a very, very small handful were there. And those who weren't there for me? Who didn't call me back or email me back or text me back when I was begging for them to call or come visit or stop over for dinner so I didn't have to be alone? I still haven't heard from them. And that right there shows me that I didn't *need* them in my life like I thought I did. But those friends who constantly checked up on me, and who stopped by unannounced with food or flowers or a movie? Those who MADE me talk to them? Who MADE me get out of bed & get on with my life? THOSE are the friends who are still a part of my life and will continue to be. Because my time and energy is not wasted on them.

.................Nancy said...

Prayers and Positive Thoughts for your grama!